September 2011
40 posts
7 tags
Bane
Years ago, there was a German movie, quite interesting, about an experiment in human behavior and prisons, going horribly wrong. That same movie would later be remade, as usual, I never watched it, But for some reason, this movie reminded me of the former; a group of people held captive and another group keeping an eye on them, for torture or science. The experiment is an amazing movie, this one,...
7 tags
Shiver
Is a Spanish movie, and as with Japanese and Korean. Unless you’re fluent, well, you’ll have to read subtitles; on the other hand, I’m fluent in Spanish (I really am), so in case you are, here is the rundown.
For the most part I love Spanish movies (Spanish as in FROM SPAIN you dumbfucks), specially horror/suspense ones, they have a combination of the european/asian “we don’t give a fuck we...
6 tags
Blood Monkey
uugh, movie is still playing as I type this, mainly because I’m waiting on some stuff to dry and reorganizing my desk a little. For the must part it kind of blows.
Apparently this is a mix of king kong and predator, and no, there are no redeeming qualities within this piece of visual representation of acid fart.
What I heard: a whole lot of nonsensical zoologist bullcrap and really bad acting,...
8 tags
Beverly Hills Vamp
In different circumstances, this could have been a unbearable experience, but, since I only had to listen to, It was more like a light chatter in the back of my head, if that chatter was being held by social awkward penguin university for the histrionically challenged chess club that is, since the dialogue and acting are really not just bad, but awkwardly bad and forced, with a hint of self...
9 tags
METAL, a Headbanger's Journey
According to that thing on the right, this post is the 50th post, and I felt a little weird inside, probably because of my dinner not sitting well, so I was already coming up with reasons to avoid posting tonight but I’m a big boy and I have a responsibility with myself, since I know nobody reads this thing.
For this Special occasion, I got a dvd instead of the normal streaming and this...
1 tag
Bachelor party at bungalow of the damned
If the world was to end in a week, and you had to pick which movies to watch in the waiting period while the rest of the assholes riot and loot stores for TV and video games, (nothing can stop an apocalypse from happening better than a mob looting for unnecessary goods), this movie certainly won’t be selected by anybody, well, maybe a crew members to help him cope with the fact that this probably...
10 tags
The Baby's Room (Films To Keep You Awake)
oh boy, another one of them stuck up foreign movies, with their foreign language and their strange culture, trying to contaminate our god fearing country with their filth and liberal agenda. This piece is part of a movie set, of which only this and another movie about the horrors of apartment renting are available on streaming. Which is good, since this filth is the type of movie that puts our...
8 tags
Audrey Rose
There is nothing I love more that a misleading categorization, there is nothing scary, I mean it, this is a thriller at best, kind of supernatural, but a thriller and nothing more, maybe some sort of preaching religious propaganda about reincarnation but there is nothing about it that is scary, unless of course if you happen to be in this same situation, but it’s very unlikely, since we are all...
7 tags
B.T.K.
damn this was not my night, this movie blows, HARD. Not as bad as “wake up the dead” or whatever the name of that shite was, but still bad, yet it kinda still leads you into the lame ending, so i guess let’s give it some respect for that, i just kept thinking how fucking stupid can this get, the acting, damn, the wife and her wig (I hope it was a wig), the daughters might as well give...
3 tags
Arachnid
Another syfy production, with a mediocre at best cast, basically follows the old Alien plot, but with centipedes and a huge stop motion capture spider (that part was almost cool), not entertaining, but not bothersome. Still better than april fools but not for much, very safe for TV and very bad dialogue, a dragging pace and acting that would make you think of a very bad day at the...
1 tag
Award Winners Of The 2005 Hollywood Scarefest
Sweet zombie jeebus, if this are the winners and don’t even want to acknowledge the dregs from the pool of this pukefest. Yeah, because you could argue, well this are independent amateur movies and they are good because it’s just a beginning, but the truth to be said is, it doesn’t matters, evil dead also, was an independent amateur film, and became not just a cult classic, but a staple in...
13 tags
The Asylum '97 & The Asylum 2000’s (also;...
Ok so, somehow netflix got two movies with the same goddamn name, mixed, nothing wrong, just that I’m a lazy bastard and I feel it could be cool to do this a double feature, kill two birds with one rock you may say, but that is just plain wrong and a dick move, unless it’s a goose, those beasts are mean and probably the assholes of the winged animal society, many times I’ve been threatened by...
10 tags
Scott Pilgrim vs. The world
BONUS STAGE!! I mean special review!
First, i don’t care about the comic/manga/graphic novel, never did and never will, now, Let it be said that I gave this movie a long long long chance to make me want to watch it, the people who did around me and their critiques we’re just plain annoying and I would not follow, and for all I care Michael Cera it’s a bird faced awkward dude that should just...
8 tags
Awaken The Dead
Holy Shit, this was so bad, damn, this was bad, it was worse than bitch slapping your mother during thanksgiving dinner in front of your grandma while wearing a bondage suit. I hope the people involved look back and feel ashamed, so ashamed they release a public apology or something, the whole thing is filmed in the most amateurish way, not cool amateur but annoying amateur, but still I let it...
4 tags
Attack of the Puppet people
Another oldie, I gave it a try, what could go wrong, it’s it too boring and dull I’ll just turn off this thing and turn on the next one, would be the first time with the netflix vast catalog of putrid tasteless bottom feeder films without knowing this could be one of the most suitable background movies so far. Because of age and technical limitations, the story relies heavily on the dialogue,...
7 tags
Altered
When I was a kid, there was this movie, something called fire in the sky, lights on the sky, or something, can’t remember right now and I don’t care enough to Google it, thing being, it left somewhat of an impression in me, a movie about aliens kidnapping and running some weird experiments, it was like an x files episode, without the sexual tension of the uptight red head and the douche nerd...
7 tags
Astro Zombies
one name: Tura Satana
this alone should be enough reason, even if the movie is not your “hollywood mainstream world distribution paid to make you believe the movie is good regardless of the garbage quality script and soulless marketing scheme” to watch it, if you never did, do it for Tura, she deserves you to pay some respect.
No, don’t even think about it, you just don’t mess with...
7 tags
Assault of the Sasquatch
I still believe all movies have a purpose, either they know it or not, even if it wasn’t planned, e.g.: That horror movie that thought it was very scary, but actually was not, it was more like pathetic and probably about to be beaten up by the local movies, made fun by the much smarter artsy movies and tried to be converted to the baptist religion by some low budget dollar store docudrama about...
8 tags
Amok Train
After the 80’s slasher horror craze, the quality of story and premise became a secondary matter and horror went down in flames, turning the genre in some sort of quasi-comedic outlet, allowing gratuitous sex and then a lecture about certain aspects of morality flourish as some type of added vitamin on our entertainment of choice, but I’m not discussing that right now, It’s this movie, so let’s...
7 tags
Appetite
Finally! This is a little jewel in a pile of manure, 4 stars, no shit, even though it’s not the best horror movie, has a strange pace and something weird about it, almost early David Lynch-esque, slow and atmospheric rather than jumpy and “boo” scary, truly made me stop doing what I was doing and pay attention to it.
May not be the best for high concentration tasks but to give it a try on a...
8 tags
April fools
Not to confused with the 80’s slasher film, no sure (insert Fry image) if poor attempt at remake or just cheap shot rip-off.
Bad acting, dancing, rapping and dumb dialogue, you definitely will laugh to yourself after some lines. Somewhat entertaining but i would put it down for an emergency, or to watch it with friends and get stupid while watching it. From a socio-economical analysis I conclude...
7 tags
Are You Scared?
yes, move along.
Actually, not really, this is a blatant, unashamed rip off of the SAW series, (I wonder what the little guy is up to now? is he doing alright? anybody?) same premise of people trapped in a location where they can’t escape unless they (seriously, I really like the little trike and how he had that deep voice and would say HELLO M…) solve the dilemma in which they have been...
7 tags
The Ape
(sorry Boris, but this movie was boring, at least from this blog’s perspective.) First, I still don’t get why “the ape” since the movie barely is about the ape, and more about some whinny girl. it’s short running at an hour and 4 minutes of glorious black and white, so maybe a good option if you hate pausing or leaving movies partially finished for later, but it’s not for the faint at heart, if...
7 tags
Apartment 1303
I don’t speak or understand Japanese but a few and very few words. that’s it for the most part I don’t even get a lot of their horror cinema since i usually feel is great at the very beginning and end (after the 10 min mark and until there is like 20 minutes left it DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGS (drags, with that said, Every time I’m going to watch a japanese film, I have to prepapre myself for a...
8 tags
Anneliese: Exorcist
Awesome!!! this shit is so fucking good it deserves it’s own genre and probably academy award category, *movies that fail in every-single-aspect-involved-in-cinema”. Forget the room, the room at least can be quoted and poked for fun, this one, well… Yeah, I know, If netflix actually only had, not just good movies since that is very subjective, but hell, some criteria a little bit better...
10 tags
Animals
Another werewolf movie, now with 100% more Sayid from lost, or the guy who played him, but horrendous dialogue, I tried, I swear, one hour into it and there are only hints at what the hell is going on, so far, dude crashes his car while he narrates that his life is shit, meanwhile a girl of loose morals according to the bible (yeah lowercase what?) tries to get away of her...
8 tags
The Angry Red Planet
Ok this one apparently is a classic, I usually try to not mess with the classics, since there are good classic things, like cars, music, monocles and some movies, but not this one. I’m not that old but i remember watching this movie with my dad and thinking omg this motherfuckers will never shut up, somebody, give them some wafers covered in peanut butter and stuff them up their filth traps. I...
8 tags
Amusement
This one…this one right here, well, this one, I don’t know, I’m still trying to put together what did the first half hour or so had to do with the rest of the movie. Hey! we got another crazy killer on the loose , apparently the motive is to amuse himself and not just kill but prank the others, the climax comes inside this house where he managed to gather three old friends together to...
9 tags
An American Werewolf in London
Ok, I’m not going to review this one, as this is, one of those movies that I saw as a kid a couple million times, and, (I<3itlikeomgsendn00fzlol!!111one) and I enjoyed it. My dad recorded it on tape and I spent many evenings watching this unfortunate yankee finding his last adventures coming back at him and biting him right in the arse. If I remember properly, this 2 dudes, probably of a...
10 tags
American Psycho II
Damn, my expectations were so low that this movie went on smooth and fast, Mila Kunis and William Shatner star in this, and well, it’s was like another criminal minds double feature of sorts. The first person narration makes it really easy to just listen to, the plot tried to attach itself to the movie version of american psycho, even tho there is really little to no relation to the movie other...
6 tags
Alphabet Killer
Another run of the mill law and order meets slasher killer mystery. “entertaining” I would say, didn’t bother me at all to listen to and kept my attention to peek on occasions.The plot develops a little further into the character’s psychosis rather than the “oh god no the bad guy is so mean” approach, it;s not only about the crazy killer, but also the crazy...
7 tags
Alone in the Dark II
Some years ago, before owning a current trending gaming console, I’d stop by certain video game retailers and look at this game’s particular display, for some reason it made me think of an older game, but now, with pretty graphics and glorious amounts of loading time. My mild interest died months later, never played the game and actually I barely remembered it until this dreary...
6 tags
Netflix, Starz And A Failed Teenage Romance.
I interrupt the normal filth tone of this blog, to express myself about this topic, to which I find this blog suitable, because it’s mine.
Yesterday I woke up, to a cat scratching the fake leather couch which I paid with cash and we have had for almost a year. That couch is done, damaged beyond repair. We will buy a new one, eventually, and would be pretty dumb of me to just get the same...
9 tags
All Souls Day
MEXIZOMBIGALLORE!!, this blows, the acting is poor, the story full of wtf?’s and the Stereotypical approach to a mexican town is parallel to some french dudes making a movie about getting lost in some town in the southern U.S. and getting kidnapped by rednecks or viceversa, BUT, it’s entertaining and to the point after the 20 min mark. not the best zombie movie BY FAR, pretty average but delivers...
10 tags
Alive or Dead
whoa there poster!!! you’re not supposed to be this big, overcompensating maybe? ugh, I still don’t know how to feel about this one, cool in a cheap ripoff Texas chainsaw massacre way, attempting something of sorts, with a couple plot twists. it’s decent for what it is, nothing especial but will keep your adhd brain entertained while doing something else but can also annoy you to a whole...
11 tags
Albert Fish
Kind of a documentary, kinda a of a dramatization you know, like those from shitty crime shows that you pay like 50 dlls a month for that shitty cable package your ex boyfriend got. Definitely a good movie to not pay attention to otherwise your eyes would bleed and your eyelashes would end up covered in pus. It will still give you something to think about next time you see that sweet sweet old...
9 tags
Big Nothing
ESPECIAL FEATURE!!!!
(every now and then I’ll post movies that just happen to come across, either my wife challenged me to a Yahtzee showdown and won or I caved in and allowed it to happen just because I’m nice like that).
Simon pegg is super a-ok in my list, him, and only him, made me watch that not so old star trek movie (more on this later), David Schwimmer (sp?) not so much,...
9 tags
Aftermath
PREVIOUSLY SEEN
This Spanish film, a short to be precise, it’s worth a sit down and watch, the whole thing goes pretty fast and it’s shocking in a OH SNAP! way. that said it’s not a good background noise since there’s little dialogue. Worth a watch if you want to consider yourself one who knows gore/horror, supposedly hard to find some years ago, now it’s hard to not come across it. There is...
8 tags
After Midnight
Teenage screams from the late 80’s. professor Cocky McCock and his psychology of fear class are pushed to take the extracurricular approach since the no so orthodox approach made some people uncomfortable (haters gonna hate) and a disgruntled student complained to the dean after the professor made him piss his pants, literally. Most of the students join in, even the weird girl who happens to...
5 tags
Acts of Vengeance (the Rape Squad)
misleading title! there was no squad of raping goons. I didn’t know about this film but it was next, so, I manned up and gave it a go, in the end, I’m here for the glories of the unintended comedy, for the misplaced context and because so far is fun.
When it started it felt like an exploitation/slasher film, turns out it’s more like a law&order svu from the 70’s gone wrong. A...
7 tags
Abduction
Damn, I wonder how netflix unearths this hideous displays of home-made attempts for movies. Anyways, Imagine a porn movie, from the nineties, with a plot laid out for a story line based fapflick with a hardcore scene after a dialogue scene, straight from the adult rentals to your lonely life, but no sex, at least in the graphic sense, there are some skanky flirty women picking up dudes at bars...
August 2011
14 posts
11 tags
Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
Sorry, this is a “classic” and has so many different approaches is not even funny. I won’t say it’s bad or good, since I think they already have their merit on a different scale, one that i don’t use. I do this in terms of how entertaining a movie can be without actually having to see the images and mainly based on dialogue, obviously in that sense, this movie fails, hard, and yeah,...
7 tags
AAAH! Zombies!! (Wasting Away)
Ok, I’m a sucker for zombie movies so I’m probably biased already, the take on the topic is nice and somewhat original if you never read monster island and other examples. This is a plain typical zombie movie but now from the zombie’s perspective, the movie is self aware of the eccentricities of it’s crowd but tends to joke about it. Fun to watch and somewhat enjoyable except for certain...
7 tags
8213 Gacy House
Holy crap this was bad, cheesy and kind of annoying. After a couple times hearing some douche yell, WHERE ARE YOU GACY!??? I literally just turned the shit off and went silent for a good hour. It’s done in a poor attempt to get into that “handheld-firstperson-blairwitch-pseudodocumentary-willannoytheshitoutofyou-idon’tknowhowtouseacamerasomaybethiswillhidemypoortasteandweakneses.”...
5 tags
100 Feet
Before anything, I did see this movie before, so my opinion is already biased and I’m not giving a rate based on the ethos of this humble piece of internet data, but i would let you know what i thought, movie is decent, premise is loosely similar to the 1982 movie the entity where a woman is being tortured and showed her place within the homestead by a very mean demon who probably read to much...
6 tags
2010: Moby Dick
Sweet zombie jesus have mercy. the story, well it’s fucking moby dick, if you never read it, quit reading this stupid thing, get the fuck off of the internet and get a copy, a used one, cheap, and read it. You’re already late to the party, then come back.
Don’t worry I’ll wait.
Ready? Good, now, watch this movie and see the story being raped, tortured and trivialized for about...
7 tags
2001 Maniacs
As campy as this is, and it’s pretty campy, it’s all in good fun, a little hard to keep up with all the bad acting and dubbed voiceovers but worth a watch or a listen rather for some legitimate b-movie fun, gore, gratuitous nudity and silly one liners, nothing to write home about but a decent try at a self aware movie with no fear in accepting it’s own truth.
A reality show crew ala paris...
3 tags
Firefox issues.
I’ve been having some issues with compatibility between firefox (most of my browsing) and safary (most of my uploading) apparently firex doesn’t recognize the design and it’s not being displayed properly, also the movie posters are blocked.
Does anybody knows how to fix this?
thank you
{edit}, ok so hot links are not cool with imdb, go figure, I fixed that, but there are...
6 tags
976 EVIL II
Well, the premise, the story, hmm, was kinda…Who the fuck I am kidding this movie blows, aside from some good gore scenes and make-up it’s plagued with 80’s cliches. so if you’re paying some attention you’ll either laugh or cringe, probably the latter, I couldn’t keep paying enough attention so, I guess my mistake? I can’t tell you much about this other than “watch drunk,...
7 tags
100 tears
Ok so, A serial killer is on the loose and as you probably guessed, he is dressed up as a clown. As it developed, the story started to seem interesting, yet, the dragging plot, the pseudo sexual tension amongst the protagonists and a weak plot twist along the 2 hours length made this movie quite a hassle, not bad in terms of a b movie straight to video, but goddamn. There is some gore with good...
